All through childhood I’d always dreamt of a man who was very fair, tall, handsome and well built. I always wanted someone who would be strong and compassionate. One who could carry me in his arms without staggering. Even though these were all childish dreams, I realized they had formed a part and parcel of me. Day in day out I was always watching out for him just in case he happened to pass by. It was very surprising that after 16 years there was still no sign of him. Was I being too impatient? Or may be I might have dozed off somewhere along the line when he was passing so might have missed him? Or perhaps such a person has and would always be a figment of my imagination because he was or ever will be. But waiting for 16 years was more than enough time for someone with patience to wait. How many years more could I wait? At 22 years and hoping to married at 25 years, I was looking forward to at least 2 years of courtship with my man we can get to know each other better.
Just as I was pondering over these things the question of compatibility came into mind. I heard at my earlier stages of life that some blood groups were not compatible and that if they should marry, it might affect childbearing. My sickling status was AC which I was told was similar to AS and I had been advised not to go in for someone with the same status or risk producing children who are sicklers. Then I also remembered the issue of rhesus factor and then HIV status; in the event where HIV can be acquired not only through sex but blood transfusion, sharing of blades which implies very high risk at barbering salons, hospitals (syringes), accidents scenes and some other places which I cannot really state. I knew viruses don’t die and so transmission from one point to another is as simple as making a phone call.
Then I began to think about how his character was going to be like. Will he be a drunk, a pervert, a womanizer or a smoker or worse still a drug pusher? But how could I from a single look if he had any of these negative qualities. But what if I discover too little too late when I had already fallen head over heels in love with him? How tragic this would be if I have already given my heart and my love and my all to him? What if he was not any of these things but the real problem was that he was not really a ‘man’? But how do I know since someone of my caliber couldn’t just offer myself to any man who has not first led me to the altar just because I want to test his ‘manliness‘? What if he was a homosexual and so would not really enjoy being with me but look for other men for proper satisfaction? Or what if he was probably a heterosexual and would want to satisfy both parties? Or what if I meet him and everything is okay with but then he was a catholic priest who had sworn the oath of celibacy? Does that mean I will remain single for the rest of my life or wait for another 16years for the next one to show up? Not at all. I couldn’t wait that long.
But sometimes I don’t really understand myself. I could spend hours upon hours thinking about someone I have never met or probably will never meet, or deciding on my marriage partner when I am not really ready for marriage. I found it very sad that after thinking about all these I really failed to consider what he would also be expecting to see in me. What if I finally found the perfect person but then I could not match up to his standards. Probably he might prefer a light skinned or a dark skinned lady. A complexion in which I can in no way meet since I fall exactly in the middle of these two extremes. What if he wanted a ‘heavy heavy’ or some slim things; none of which I was. What if he did not want a ‘chrife’ lady but wanted some high time lady whose eyes were ‘opened’ so that he could go places with her. Perhaps he might prefer a less educated lady especially a non-graduate since he might not be able to stand competition or someone who might want to challenge his every decision. Lest I forget I had not considered the educational level I want my man to be.
It is difficult to accept that in my quest for solutions I discovered more questions and problems. So ironical of this modern technological age where there is free flow of information from one point to the other. Instead of the technologies bringing us solutions and easing out life problems, they have rather made us aware of problems and challenges that hitherto had never been thought of: things which were better unknown than known. And with the sophisticated equipment and high expertise in the system, it was still difficult to find a good marriage material on the market.
At a point I realized that I was fighting a losing battle or to borrow words from the greatest philosopher who ever lived, ‘chasing the wind’. From then on I knew I had to find help since I could not do things on my own. I decided to rely on God for guidance and direction. I took my eyes of all that there was and it was then that I realized that the one I had always been looking out for was right beside my all this while. I went shopping and forgot to put him on the list that is why I had missed out on him all this while.
So in conclusion I would say, ‘Put your trust in God and not in man for he will grant the desires of your heart’. He knows you by name and what you need and for that matter you would never lack any good thing. For sitting to read this, I would accord you the honor of a second or proper title. And it is, “The shopping of a lifetime”.
Author's Note
Please this is an article i wrote. The persona here is a female.
